Recently, a few readers have expressed that they are tired of looking at my last post... that they long for something new.
Readers, does it occur to you that perhaps I have unfulfilled desires too. I am selfish, I admit. In the two hours (broken up throughout the day) that the new kid allows me the freedom to do anything without him attached to one of my massively engorged breasts do I blog? No, I do not. I go to the bathroom, or shower, or eat. Obviously this can only reinforce that I am a selfish beast who has never really cared for any of you.
To make it up to you readers I will now write a blog while the new kid sits at my side and screams bloody neglected murder. Who feels selfish now?
I have noticed how my nursing bras - when seen through the neck line of whatever shirt I am wearing at the time of bending over to pick up something - look like bondage gear. I wondered if this was an intentional design to give allure to a woman whom, at this phase of mothering, has had every bit of her hotness extinguished by rouge baby pee and leaking breastmilk.
With the bondage style nursing bra, when I do venture out into the grocery store at 10 p.m. with my hair a mess and my legs unshaven - inevitably dropping something due to exhaustion - passers by can think I am some secret bondage freak instead of the boring truth of being a new mother coated in baby vomit and milk.
Yes, fellow aisle 6 patron, I had to use the safe word to get my husband to unchain me so that I could run to the store for some whole milk because all we have is nonfat milk and if I use nonfat he will spank and gag me so that I will be forced to go another 2 days satisfying his sexual demands instead of showering. That is exactly what is going on here.