Thursday, October 16, 2008

Letter to an Old Friend

It would be embarrassing to reveal how many friends I have let drift out of my realm of communication simply because the acceptable amount of time between contact had passed. I have done the same with this blog.

My struggle has been with my honesty. When Dan went into police work he asked that I not write about it on the blog. Well, anyone who has ever been the partner to someone in police work knows that it swallows your life whole. If I could not write about that I could not write honestly about anything. So I stopped writing. I know, I know… not a very feminist thing to do some of you might say. I let my man’s work stop mine.

Well, no, not really. My marriage is a team in which I am an active member. There are many individual decisions that my husband and I make on a daily basis, but we are in a crucial place now, and have been this last year, where sacrifices have had to be made for the team. I spent this last year in an ǖber-supportive role and as a result felt a connection to Dan that I had never felt before. This year, he is supporting me. He is giving me the night off to go prepare for the LSAT, helping me study, listening to me babble about colleges and potentially moving us all over the country to go to law school in the fall of 2009. With all of the work my current endeavor entails, it would be easy to excuse myself from blogging.

This has been a heavy year in other ways as well. We tried for nine months before finally getting pregnant with our second child. That was a frustrating and alienating time for me. We moved out of our house in Queen Creek and back into town. This was great for us except we ended up being unemployed for the first two months in the new house. Since resolving that issue the people we rented the Queen Creek house to broke their lease and left the house. We have been trying to stay afloat in this economy, batting away the newscasts reporting on “storms ahead” convincing ourselves that it didn’t apply to us and yesterday I realized I was standing in the eye of the storm. We didn’t avoid any of the damage. We couldn’t have.

And so goes our luck. Sure, we couldn’t get pregnant for a while, but then we did. We will have a long awaited son in January. We moved out of Queen Creek with a huge sigh of relief only to face foreclosure and bad credit. Still, we get to spend more time together in town, and the family walks we take down at the lake on the nights that are cool enough are worth every credit card we will be denied over the next 7 years. Our lives no longer revolve around the police force. Instead our focus is on our children and 2 dogs.

I realize now, more than ever, it is an important time to voice and to listen to the current frustrations facing most of us. People are committing suicide, killing themselves and their families because of the state of their finances. Without belittling the importance of money in our lives, credit for our future, it is my intention to assure you once again that I am not defined by my paycheck, nor will I forever be classified by those two credit card payments I missed because I decided it was more important to pay for our daughter to go to a dance class than to make sure Master Card got their payment on time.

Trust me… odds are the choices I am making now are the only choices that can be made... that should have been made in the first place. If we want to survive times of economic hardship we must return a simpler definition of family. Family is for whom I sacrifice. I do not take from the mouths of my children to pay some bullshit credit card bill which went from 0% A.P.R. to 33% A.P.R. plus retroactive interest. Not in this economy. And from now on… not ever.

1 comment:

Ryan Ulysses Marshall said...

sounds like you're in the running for mother of the year again! So good to read something from you again. I missed it.