She's asleep on the couch. I am again teary eyed, the front of my shirt soaked through with breastmilk, my armpits smelling like something has nested in the hair there and died.
And this is my motherhood.
An hour and a half blaming gas for her not being able to focus to latch on, when it was probably the stench of my armpits catapulting her face away from my breast with every feeding attempt.
I am still covered in the rash. I have been to the dermatologist 3 times, the las visit they biopsied my leg, got two stitches and sent home with a sneaking suspision all they will have to offer me is steroids. Oral steroids. And while at this point all things oral sound appealing, that is all things oral but steroids. I used a steroid cream during my pregnancy to help with the rash and my daughter was born with back hair. Dan says not to joke people will believe I did this to her.
What I have done is given her my canoe feet, bitten her toe nails, cried the first time she reached for something, and subjected her to Alby's many investagatory sniffs and licks. This is just the beginning. I had to write something.
I am taking too long trying to get it all down from the beginning. Now if you'll excuse me, I have about a 15 minute window to poop before she wakes up and has to be in there with me, which never goes well. And if you've ever had your guts removed and set to the side so they can pull out your 11 lb. baby you know you can't rush a poop in the first two weeks of healing.
I love you guys so much, thanks for letting me know you missed my stories, here's a little reward for you!