Thursday, January 19, 2006

Tips on Crack

Conversation with my Jewish Mother who smoked crack during her pregnancy, had the kid 3 months premature as a result, and just bought him a plasma screen tv for his 18th birthday.

Lawton: So I have PUPPS, which essentially means I am allergic to my own placenta.

JM: Oh my god, so what does that mean?

L: That means that I am such an irritating person I am allergic to myself.

JM: Well don't scratch, listen, anyway, do you want me to book a 4 day 3 night vacation for you and me and the baby when I come to visit you (a month after I have the kid, by the way!!).

L: Um yeah, sure, just do it on a weekend so Dan can come.

JM: Alright, so just drink some green tea or chamomile for that rash so your not gross when I get there.

L: I can't drink chamomile or green tea while pregnant.

JM: Really? huh. Then just drink Matte.

Now, for someone who smoked crack her whole pregnancy I can see how her doctor may have recommended she take it down a few notches to matte or green tea, but in the long run I am only afraid that I ever let her book her trip out here so close to the trip my baby has booked out of me.

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