Friday, December 02, 2005

Ain't That the Way

As with most things, I am fully aware that I have done this to myself. And by this I am referring to the gentlemen who are writing to compliment my sexy pregnant profile.

I could try to convince you that the reason I am peeking out through my hair in that photo, is because it was the first my husband has taken of my pregnant body and before I saw this photo I just thought I was fat, and therefor found this picture very embarassing. "But Lawton, you are clutching your breasts in a seductive manner!" Rest assured my darling readers, this is not to be coy. This is because what were once my beautiful breasts have in a short 5 months managed to sag and stretch into rocks in socks that must be held out of the way for photographs or for fear of callousing the nips from letting them drag on the ground.

So yes, I do need to get a new photo up, that doesn't have such a "knocked up chick looking for cock" feel, but in the mean time, let me assure all of you gentlemen that are "into this" how not sexy my pregnancy is.

I have now passed the point of uncontrolable passing of gas, and entered into the world of not being able to manage the volume of my gas. I let one go last night that was so mighty, it woke me and the dog up.

The only sex I've had in the last three weeks is something my husband and I now refer to as "the incident" which later required medication and falling asleep with a bag of frozen pees between my legs.

I have not shaved my legs or armpits in three months, and if any part of me is italian, gentlemen, it's the part that controls the growth of every hair on my body.

At this point in my writing I read what I had so far to my husband Dan, with a proud, "That was some gross stuff huh?" to which he replied, "not really, if you're into pregnant chicks".

Damn. I guess like any lady ever, I have to take down the more revealing picture to get you fuckers to read my blog, or skip my site all together. And the worst part is, I don't even get to feel sexy from the compliments because they're coming from weird guys who are into pregnant chicks. Ain't that the way.

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