Tuesday, December 13, 2005

The 7 Layers of Motherhood

Saturday, I went to IKEA to get some curtains for the bean's new room. While Dan got 2 1/4 of the walls done with primer this weekend, I thought I should be contributing too. So I met Suzy and Kim at the store and we began shopping our little hearts out.

A little about Suzy and Kim. Kim is that friend that you meet every few months at some social event, you always mean to get her number but never do, so it always seems like the two of you must not like each other, because you never hang out. When really you just need to exchange numbers. That's Kim. And then there's Suzy... God love her. How to describe Suzy to those of you who do not know her? I'll let the story define this friend.

So we're in IKEA, and we start all of our shopping downstairs. As you know, you cannot do this and then just take your things upstairs, you have to make your purchases to get upstairs, or leave all of your things and risk them getting picked up by other Swedish pillagers, or put back by a semi-motivated staff member.

So, we buy our stuff, get a lingonberry soda (yum - by the way!) and catch the elevator upstairs. On the way to elevator Suzy shows me the 50 IKEA shopping bags she stole while bagging her items stating "That's what they get for making me bag my own shit! I can use these for trash bags!". While I disagree with taking the bags, this is the cute part of Suzy that I find entertaining.

As we're waiting for the elevator, it arrives, opens, and an older caucasian couple walks out with a male philippino baby in their stroller. Suzy, totally unable to ever control her own decibel remarks, "Aw! Look a little Maddox!" I do not find this entertaining, rather mortifying, and Kim and I put our heads down as the couple leave the elevator. In the elevator, it is now Suzy, Kim, myself, and a Mommy who looks our age with a newborn. A conversation begins. I ask the baby's age, Mommy replies and the conversation ends. Suzy, being her ever bold self goes on to ask about the woman's stroller, and I cannot think of why she would give a shit at all.

20 minutes later we are all still standing outside of the elevator and I adore this new Mommy friend. She must be mine. I suggest she call me some time and we can get together, but this gets passed right over in conversation. Secretly, I blame Suzy (would one say "twat blocking" here?) and feel like I am trying to get a boy to take me to a 7th grade dance. I am failing. Simone, the new mommy, suggests we walk over to the kids section and keep on talking. Suzy walks with her while I fall behind with Kim.

K: She seems nice, do you like her.

L: I really do, but I think I went in for the number too soon, she rolled right over it, did you see that?

K: Yeah, but you'll get another shot, don't worry.

L: I don't know, Suzy is being a totally new mommy friend hog. She doesn't need this like I need this. I can't wait till that bitch gets pregnant.

Then, we all catch up, look at baby stuff, and chat. Now we're walking again and it is me and Simone, with Suzy and Kim behind us. Simone is from Munich and has a great German accent. She also has that fabulous German lack of tact. She invites me to her home some time to get ideas from how she has decorated her son's nursery. She tells me her furniture is expensive. I think she is referring to all of the furniture in her home, and deduce later what she is telling me is that other people bought her nice nursery furniture. I'm in. Suzy has been an excellent "Wingmom" and I will thank her later.

Then it happened. My first mini mommy brain explosion. Not my whole brain. Just a tiny piece. Simone with her mommy tummy left from having just had her 3 month old via cesarian, and me, 6 months pregnant with a belly out past my tits, and 100 lb. Suzy, are all discussing quilts when Suzy refers to the three of us, herself included as moms.

It went like this, first, I hated her for being so thin and daring to compare herself to us in anyway. She has not been sick, fat, had her breasts taken over by saucers claiming to be her nipples. She is tiny, and a nanny, and has no idea what it takes to earn the "we" in any "we moms..." statement!

Secondly, I remembered all of the years I spent as a nanny and dog owner comparing myself to mothers. Stating, out loud, that babies are just like having a dog and telling my friends that were mothers that I understood their situation exactly because my dog did something very similar. I was humiliated for 14 years of my own insensitivity.

But... what are you going to do? Ultimately, Suzy got me Simone's number, and I really have been wanting to move more in the direction of having other friends that are mothers. I also learned a valuable lesson.

I have been judgmental and presumptuous in every aspect of mothering, which I knew nothing about. Now all I can do is wait to see what price Dan and I will pay for every finger pointed, glare darted and whisper exchanged at the expense of some woman who I now see, was dealing with something so ungodly it can only be called... motherhood.

No comments: